I was just looking back through previous posts and remembering how I felt at this time last year – everything was still new, exciting, fresh, and busy. I was optimistic about my future and had a pretty good grasp of reality. I was out with some friends last night after rehearsal – they don’t know [...]
Entries from October 2009
October 27, 2009
cloudy and rainy
My body is shutting down – I’ve lost 5 pounds then gained it back in a weekend. I feel like crap. I look like crap. My clothes don’t fit anymore and I’m devastated. How would he ever want me back looking like this… if he ever could want me…or anyone…I can’t believe I’m back to [...]
October 22, 2009
struggling
I feel like an idiot. A weak, stupid idiot. I can’t stop thinking about him and what I may have done wrong, even though I know I didn’t do any one thing wrong but that doubt is always there saying that maybe it wasn’t one thing… maybe it was a combination of things. Logic says [...]
October 19, 2009
Scared of:
feeling
not feeling
forgetting
crying
hardening
hopelessness
frowns
sorrow
pain
evenings
mornings
mourning
loving
letting go
moving on
being forgotten
October 5, 2009
180 degrees
He ended it…
Reasons: “I can’t be in a committed relationship right now. I can’t love you as much as you love me. I feel anxious thinking about seeing you. I just can’t be in this 100%.”
Why celebrate a 6 month anniversary then? Why say you love me? Did I love you too much? I’m not [...]
