My body is shutting down – I’ve lost 5 pounds then gained it back in a weekend. I feel like crap. I look like crap. My clothes don’t fit anymore and I’m devastated. How would he ever want me back looking like this… if he ever could want me…or anyone…I can’t believe I’m back to this point again. I can’t believe I’ve given up my power to someone else after it took me so long to gain it. I’m scared of pretty much everything these days – going to work, talking to friends, eating food – all of it makes me feel like ass. A fat ass… I’m trying to pick one thing to focus on this week to change and right now it’s drinking water and lots of it. I’ve so far had 6 cups of water today so I’ll make the recommended 8 by the end of this evening.. more likely will be at 10 I’m hoping. Maybe I can flush all the toxic feelings out of me.. but then again I may just drown a little more than I am already.
ha… look at the date – exactly a month ago I was on cloud nine… now I’m so far under it I can’t even tell if there is a cloud there at all…
